I was walking briskly over the moist dirt pathway, Spring all around me. The air was cool enough that I could trace its path up my nose and down my throat as I inhaled deeply. In the silence of the deserted forest path, I was surprised to hear clear words in my spirit; “The current of your life is changing.” At that moment the thud of my steps on the earth changed to the echo of wood slats over air. I looked down and notice that the rushing dark water under the bridge came straight out from its passageway, then took an abrupt 45 degree turn as the river bent slightly. Without clear scientific explanation, the current’s course abruptly changed before my eyes, strikingly illustrating the words that I heard.
I heard clear words in my spirit; “The current of your life is changing.”
Months passed but I remembered God’s striking revelation. I prayed about it, but heard nothing. Meanwhile, I was dealing with my seriously discontent teenage son. I had homeschooled my first two children through their high school graduations. I intended to do so with each of my five children. My son had not enjoyed his freshman year of home schooling. One day he was clear; “Mom, you're not hearing me. I'm telling you I want to go to school. Please listen.”
He persisted until mid-Summer when I realized that he wouldn't let it go. By the end of August, he was enrolled in a nearby Christian School. I knew I couldn't have two masters and had to choose whether my three youngest children would all be homeschooled or all go to school. Having earned a teaching degree, I took a teaching assignment at the school, and within a couple of short days, I was no longer a homeschool mom.
It's a shock to your system to suddenly have three children go to school one September morning. For fifteen years, I began my school week by pouring a cup of coffee and opening phonics books at the kitchen table. I had just spent hours online buying logo-embroidered uniforms, and had combed local stores for school supplies that met strict specifications, and lunch items that made our pantry look like a convenience store. It was difficult to box up crates of texts and workbooks.
I was grieving and adjusting as my circle of friends changed in a moment. My church wardrobe became my school wardrobe, and I dressed up for a workday for the first time in almost twenty years. Dozens of homeschooling emails came in, intermingled with unfamiliar staff, teacher and parent emails from the new school. How did this happen? I cried to myself and God. He had pulled the rug out from underneath me.
After a year and half of school, and a hundred changes later, I see that my son needed to be in high school. His gifts are immerging and they are being nurtured and watered by enthusiastic and skilled teachers in his crafts. I couldn't be all of these things to him, and I couldn't have matched the God-chosen mentors that currently guide my son. I can also see that my daughter, now a freshman, is flourishing with an array of friends from all walks of life. She is thriving. And I've seen the academic skills of my youngest son surface. I would never have pushed him like this private school has.
But I don't believe it was just about the kids. The current of my life changed, and in other ways, too. I've had new opportunities and have done things that I never would have dreamed I would do. I was happy and settled. God sometimes does not want us to be settled and comfortable. He has big plans for us, and sometimes He creates a big shift, and He rocks our worlds for these plans to happen. Shaking can be unsettling.
Now that I understand that God had other plans for each of us. I had always said that I would homeschool as long as God gave me the grace to do it. It was a lot. My new life is a lot, too, but I'm able to do things that I would never have been able to do if I were homeschooling three kids. I'm so grateful for the privilege of spending fifteen years home with my children. But now He is doing a new thing. Our transition from one way of life to another has taught me just how much God is in control.
Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us;
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
I've learned that I don't want God to only do the things that I understand in my life. What a limited, boring life I would lead! I'm so grateful that His ways are higher than mine. Status quo is so not God. I was holding on to status quo with all of my heart. God pulled a big rug out from under me, but when we all gained our balance, we saw that it was a new thing. I should not be surprised that it has all been good.